HAPPINESS IS A DECISION OF THE HEART....

Book Excerpt from....

Authenticity in the Midst of Chaos

Jane F. Miller 2007c.

I own a stack of self improvement books ten feet tall. Achievement seminars I've attended number in the dozens. I had been trying to improve myself since the second grade when Mrs. H. burst my young bubble. Although I went on to fourteen more years as a star pupil, I never forgot the way she made me feel - not good enough. And through the years whenever a co-worker, boss, or customer questioned my motives or integrity, I felt those same feelings - of being not good enough. So what went wrong with my self improvement stint? I tried dutifully to follow the advice in all those books and workshops, showing me what to do and how to be. But, time after time, I failed.

I have come to learn that I did not fail...what I did do was try to copy the efforts of others and expect results for me. My perceived lack of success came from trying to change myself. And, I was forcing on myself the methods and skills that weren't me!

Discovering and embracing your own authenticity is the more effective way toward achieving fulfillment in life. Want to be a better boss, more valuable volunteer, finer parent, more creative employee? Be yourself. Know yourself. Uncover and use your inborn strengths and your natural talents. Your authenticity, then, will serve as the foundation for all you are and do. Lead, manage, parent, create, love...all from this base of authenticity. Then, and only then, those enhancement skills- time management or assertiveness skills for example- will work in balance!

Authenticity

Authenticity, I have found, comes from a combination of engaging your talents, loves, and gifts; being autonomous (self-directed); and relating to your external world in your way- not as a copy of someone or something else. In their book Why We Do What We Do (?1996 Penguin USA), Edward Deci and Richard Ryan note that some of the signs that hint we are moving towards authenticity include having a feeling of competence and being effective, feeling free to choose based on wise decisions, and a certain connectedness to the world.

Why Bother?

So what is it that makes authenticity so desirable? Why bother? When you strive to find and be your authentic self, you gain a certain control. The world continues to spin around and around throwing your days out of whack but you, authentic you, remain in balance. You stand ready from a central point of self control able to make decisions by considering those facets important to you. You find satisfaction and contentment through being and acting authentic. Even, especially, in times of chaos, you know where you stand because you are in control of your self.

If You Don't Bother

Okay, so what if you don't bother? When you are not freely choosing your direction or making choices from an authentic center (your true self), others take control of your being! Whether subtle or outright, others may begin to make it seem that your duty is to be under their control, that you indeed must give up your sense of authority over self. Certainly there are some situations that are not within our ability to control (taxes, laws, work regulations, etc.), nor do we desire to. However, we can always choose how we will react to, feel about, or even overlook these situations. We also hold a great power in any situation - that is hope. When you¡¯re acting from an authentic foundation you can easily find hope. On the other hand, when you allow others control of you, when you are not acting from an authentic place, here's what can happen, and many times does (Are you showing any signs of being unauthentic?):

Low job satisfaction
Tardiness or absenteeism
Self imposed limits on work performance (Why bother doing more?) Bad or poor attitude
No motivation or motivation that is conditional on receiving something else
Low productivity
Hopelessness (Stuck in a rut)
Too much on your plate (Out of balance or alignment)

Searching For Your Authenticity

To find your authentic self, you will work hard- it's not that easy a task. For me, even when I realized that I had to find my own personal methods that matched my strengths and personality, I struggled to be. . .me. Who was I anyway? At a training session for a utility corporation we were asked to quickly tell a story related to a time when we got results by relinquishing control. I told the story of helping my daughter to ride her two-wheeler. In short, she finally rode the thing when I stopped running along side her steadying the seat! It was a fantastic story, told with finesse. My feedback? The class thought I was an excellent actress who had told that story many times. I hadn't actually - the incident had only occurred two days before the training!

What I was missing was AUTHENTICITY. How could that be? It was what I valued most, being true to self! But I wasn't being true to self. In my heart of hearts, I was yearning to let Jane out! On the outside, I was acting as if. I was acting the way I thought I needed to act depending on the culture or politics of the situation. Yes, we do have to adapt...but not to the point of losing ourselves in the process! When times got rough and I was out of control...others were surprised to see Jane's survival personality coming through - and it wasn't very refined!